Just a few hours ago, I was involved in an interview with a bunch of sick fucks, yeah, you heard it: a bunch of sick fucks. Before my memory fades, I would like to pen it.
I don’t really know why people suck so much. Seriously. Specially those who really, really want someone to throw their shit on. People who think they are something but are nothing except a bunch of fucking bastards who know nothing about anything. I was referred by previous boss of mine to a job in his friend’s company. I accepted just for acceptance’s sake. They called same evening for an interview.
Now check this: they are making a counterpart of PayPal, no kidding. I don’t know why people can’t think out of the fucking box and do something unique instead of following someone else’s tracks. Anyways, I have stopped giving a damn about such things because they all are the same and I have to do something to generate some bucks for living. So, I went there and it was more desolate than a medieval fort in middle of a desert. The man at the gate took me to the conference room and it was so godam smelly. I thought somebody had pooped under the table. It literally burnt my nostrils. Anyways, the friend of my referrer came for a handshake and asked me to wait because he wanted to say prayer. So, he picked the Jay-e-Namaz from cupboard and spread it right beside me and started to say prayer. Imagine the professionalism and religious love that one is waiting for being interviewed and interviewer praying right beside him in a place that smelled like shit.
At last he finished and came to the table after calling a few others. They all came sat down.
Friend of referrer: “JZ was admiring you so much.”
Me: “Ahan”
FoR: “How do you know JZ?”
Me:”He has been my boss for more than 1 and half year.”
FoR: “Actually I pressured him so much to refer me the right man :)”
Then they started all the crap. The the bald bastard started with some A.I. thing. I got the pretty fair idea of how the next hour was going to be. I am QA person you douche bag, not an A.I. PhD. He didn’t let anybody else ask questions for next half an hour and asked me the most ridiculous and fresh-graduate kind of questions. I am in QA for about 2 and half year and wasn’t expecting that kind of questions. Anyways, I threw in my own ideas as I had forgotten everything theoretical, and he kept disagreeing. I decided at that time that I won’t accept position with those assholes there. The other started questioning who looked like the boy we have for picking cows’ dung at farmhouse. He asked the most ridiculous questions I have ever heard and half answered. The FoR guy pointed a spell mistake in my resume and laughed. If there were really shit under the table, I would have thrown at him. The rest of the hour spent auto-answering their ridiculous and inexperienced questions with ridiculous answers.
Bald bastard: “Suppose it’s your first day at job and you have to learn everything by yourself, test it, report it and later hire more people to assist you. What would be your strategy?”
Me: “I would go through the app at first to find it’s purpose and different features to get fairly good idead about it. Then test it….”
BB: “Wait!! What would be your strategy?”
Me: “This is exactly what I am telling you. I would learn it first and as fast as I can and then would write some docs and QA stuff for it and….”
BB: “I am asking about your strategy.”
I felt like throwing him out of the large window that displayed green trees which were getting more of my attention than all of them collectively.
Me: “My strategy would be to try my best then.”
It was supposed to be sarcastic but they started laughing. Then the dung cleaner brought in some Bruce Willis movie (Die Hard, I guess) riddle. Now cherish this: you are asking some person you are hiring to be a team lead a third class modified movie riddle. I said I won’t answer this but he insisted. Then I took the pen and fixed my eyes on paper and mind on finding enough vocabulary to abuse them all so that my rage would die. After a few moments I returned it untouched.
Now the lesson is this: never appear for an interview in front of people who know nothing about your field. They create most shame than anybody else of planet possibly could.
Fuck ‘em, instead.