No matter how high it goes it comes to the level that it belongs to. When you sit back and watch closely, it all looks crazy. Hitherto, all of my efforts to break it have gone fruitless. Even the S & F at least said that. It made too depressed at first but the time faded it away and now I think they were right, somehow. Not because their prediction was right but because I behaved the way they predicted. It’s complicated.

Last two months have been pretty bad and now I am trying to undo everything. Procrastination won’t procrastinate me. I might be labeled “crazy” if I tell anyone how much I work hard to surprise people around me with something good. But rarely did it pay off. Nobody seems to care. It breaks me every time but I keep trying, what the heck.

We have moved to a little newer place. It’s not wide enough but every thing’s within reach from every corner. Pretty cold though. The landlady asked for a fortune as monthly rent. Threw my arguments mingled with confused reason but she won’t budge. I never seem to be convincing her. Can’t even remember a single moment when she was convinced by anybody. Would show me her broken specs but would order Pizza from Pizza-Hut regularly. That makes me feel odd and angry.

Anger reminds me of myself. I am easily angered. It was raining last night and my bird was with Tan so couldn’t go home without a worry. Called S (don’t know why) and heard a plain ‘Sorry’ in return. I hung up. Called ‘Fr’ but was refused even though I was expecting it. Didn’t speak more than 10 words all the time at home. That’s why I am shooting my load on this blog.

Oh boy, I need to break the fucking habit.